In the video above, I talk about something that frustrated me constantly in Congress: Republicans who would tell me privately what they refused to say publicly.
They knew Trump was wrong about the 2020 election. They knew January 6 was a disgrace. Some would complain about him behind closed doors then go on television and defend him or say nothing at all. Their private judgment and public behavior were routinely starkly different.
A lot of them were waiting. They were waiting for leadership to move first. Leadership was waiting for the conference, and members were waiting to see whether anyone else would take the risk. Everyone had a reason not to be the first person out the door. Without seeing the gears of leadership whipping votes or soundbites, you would unknowingly think they were all aligned.
That stayed with me because I think we often picture courage backwards. We imagine that first a lot of people become convinced something is wrong and then somebody steps forward. More often, somebody steps forward while it still feels lonely and that makes it easier for the next person to do the same.
I saw that happen in its purest form on the darkest day of my time in Congress.
After January 6, there were Republicans who eventually spoke more plainly because somebody else had already done it. There were staffers who quit. State and local officials refused pressure to tamper with election results. Election workers kept doing their jobs while the President of the United States attacked them by name. None of those people could know beforehand whether others would stand with them.
They acted anyway. Most of you, fortunately, will never face anything like that. You aren’t going to be asked whether to impeach a President or to certify an election under pressure from the White House, but the habit of waiting for somebody else shows up in much smaller places.
A lot of people complain about their local government but never attend a meeting. They wish someone good would run for the school board, city council, or state legislature, but they never ask the person they have in mind. They see something happening inside their own political party that bothers them and stay quiet because they don’t want to be the “difficult Republican” or the “difficult Democrat” in the room.
Sometimes the stakes are even smaller. Everyone in a neighborhood complains about the same problem and nobody sends the email. A community organization needs volunteers and everybody assumes somebody else has more time. A friend says something you know is false but correcting him would make dinner awkward.
This is how silence builds on itself. You look around, see nobody else speaking, and assume you must be the only one thinking it.The thing is, you may not be. One of the strangest dynamics about my time in Congress was discovering how often I was supposedly “alone” in public and surrounded by people who agreed with me in private. People would pull me aside and tell me I was right, then walk away and keep doing exactly what they had been doing.
That kind of private support doesn’t help much. If ten people in a room all disagree but each one is afraid to say it, the room looks unanimous.The first person who speaks changes that, which is why I want you to try something this week: think of one thing in your community, your political party, or your own circle that you have been waiting for somebody else to start.
Then start it.
Send the email. Go to the meeting. Ask the person you respect if she has ever thought about running for office. Volunteer for the local organization you keep saying somebody should help. If your own side says something you know is wrong, say so without first checking whether everyone around you will approve.
I’m not suggesting that you turn every disagreement into a public fight. Some conversations are better handled quietly and some causes are not worth your time. The point is not to become the loudest, most obnoxious person in the room. The point is to notice when “somebody should do something” has become your excuse for doing nothing.
There are people in this country doing useful, decent work every day who did not begin because they felt fearless or because a crowd was already behind them. Somebody noticed a need, got tired of waiting, and acted.
Sometimes nobody follows, and courage is no guarantee that you’ll win. But sometimes the person who goes first discovers that five other people were waiting for permission they never actually needed.
I wish more of my former colleagues had understood that before January 6. I wish more of them had said publicly what they were already saying privately. The country would have been better off if they had.
You don’t have to wait for a politician to show you how this works. Look around your own life. There is probably something you already know should be done. You don’t need to wait for somebody else to start it.
Go first.
